The Window Seat Chapter 29

Southwest Tucson to Chicago December 13th

It is my last travel for the Association of Realtors for 2009 and the last for six weeks. It is not quiet full and we are going to be connecting at Midway Airport in Chicago. Originally, it was going to be a tight connection of 40 minutes, but we are gaining a lot of time with a tail wind at 39,000 feet.

I am in my favorite aisle seat, but this time we are in the front row so we can make the connection. My wife, Susan, is next to me and my son Ian is at the Window Seat. Tucson is a long way to go for a one day meeting, but the 2010 National Association of Realtors President wants to show off her home town. The meetings were productive and encouraging. The leadership team is really talented and accomplished.

Susan and Ian have joined me for the extra ‘personal day.’ They decided to go horseback riding. I on the other hand decided to do a long run in the 48 degree dry heat of the desert. They loved horseback riding. I loved the run. Solitary time by myself for 7.5 miles the day before the Tucson Marathon. It was special time and my best run of the year. Not sure why it was so awesome. The weather probably was a big contributing factor.

So we are flying Southwest as it is the only airline that has only one stop between Tucson and Providence. The flight leaves at 3:15 for Midway. This is particularly convenient as the Patriots game will be over before we get on the play. They need this win and they come through! It is great!

We get on the get on the play and settle in. It has been a relaxing couple of days that were much needed. December is always exhausting and this one would be no exception. Not sure how we fit as much as we do into one month.

The woman across the aisle from me finished the Tucson Marathon. It was her fifth one, four prior in Chicago, but she had hoped to qualify for Boston. The Boston MARATHON is still the ultimate, but for her today it was illusive. She did not qualify because the head wind was in her face the entire way. We talk about hydration and her rush to the airport to catch the ‘one Southwest flight to Boston. She shrugs and say not today, but there will be another day and another race. Oh how right she is.

My bride is pensive and immersed in her book. An avid reader, she consumes a couple every week. I am not as voracious. We had the best Thanksgiving we have ever had with two new health grandchildren: Nazare and Marie. Everything else is going well, but winter and its challenges are in front of us. Sometimes the warmth of the desert of winter re-enforces the reality of the cold of a New England Winter.

The man in the first row on the right is travelling with his elder mother. Some unfortunate person is between the two. He has had two rum and cokes although he acts as though it has been more. He and his mother continue to argue with the Asian man stoically between them. Susan says it reminds her of the movie Goonies. This guy will not shut up. It is ridiculous and very humorous. He knows more than his mom although she is not convinced. Fortunately, the tailwind is reducing the time in confinement to less than 3 hours. Know that this is just a playful bickering, but it is relentless. They do not agree on anything. They are at it again.

It reminds me of how fortunate I am. I am traveling with my wife of thirty years and my soul mate. Life has been very kind and very generous. She has been a great companion on our life’s path. We have been blessed with three great kids, an awesome family and amazing friends. Life has been, and continues to be very kind. Sometimes it is helpful to remember that. Today is one of those days. Hopefully tomorrow will be another just like today

The Window Seat Chapter 28

United 679 Chicago to San Diego

We were involved in a rolling invasion of the 2009 Realtors Convention in San Diego. I was travelling first, my wife second, my son third, and the return was similar. The goal was to participate in the convention, but have good coverage for the day to day operations of the office. Half of the office team, including my son Matthew, were ready for our absence.

My highlight of the week, was my installation as President Elect of the 1.166 million member National Association of Realtors. It was a formal event and very exciting. Next November I will become President. This year I became the first alternative to a very talented and accomplished person: Vicki Cox Golder.

Often I wait to last call to get on the plane. It requires planning and a check in of all of your luggage. This day, I was organized and among the last people on the plane. Found my seat and instantly received a text from my friend Cindy Butts. “Just saw you getting on board, but not seating next to you, so I will not make ‘The Window Seat.” I smiled back at her. The smile was probably a bit Cheshire. The person next to me was not going to engage me in any conversation. He had earphones on and did not even look up as I sat down in my aisle seat. As a result, Cindy became my ‘seat mate, albeit a couple of rows back.

Cindy is the CEO of the Maine Association of Realtors. We have known each other for more than twenty years. She has always been one of the rare individuals who tell you exactly what he or she thinks: good, bad, or ugly. Do not ask for her opinion if you do not want one. Few people have passion for both ‘truth and excellence. Cindy is one of those people. During times of challenge for me during my leadership, Cindy was a person I would contact for advice. It was always measured and detailed.

Cindy is like many people who are professionally accomplished, but what makes her amazing is her ability to balance life: self, family, work, world and spirit. It is not easy, and in truth it does not come easy, but she finds a way. Maybe it is living in Maine and having to deal with “Down Easters” To sail in stormy water, you need to be present and quick minded. It is actually fun to hear her talk about the challenge of being a parent of teenagers, particularly a teenage son. Cindy always tries to do everything well, so it is very funny to have her ‘question’ swim meet attire’ for the parents. Tropical humidity inside a swimming complex, when the exterior temperature is sub zero, makes wardrobe choices a challenge. As a parent you are always told: “PLEASE DO NOT EMBARRASS ME MOM (or Dad)” Like the rest of us, that is always difficult to figure out.


So we travelled west from Chicago to San Diego. We had no conversation. I slept and read a greatly great book: Kane and Able by Jeffrey Archer. I had no conversation with my seat mate in the three hour trip. Cannot remember the last time that happened.

The association had made arrangements for a ride from the airport. I invited Cindy to join us in the car to the Convention Center. My luggage came out quickly. As we waited for her luggage, she joked that hers would be the last off of the plane. She became more uncomfortable with the wait. It did not matter. She suggested I go ahead. “No thank you. “Finally, her luggage arrived, not quite the last. We made our way to the Convention Center. In the course of the next several days, we saw each other rarely among the 20,000 attendees. But we knew each was working for the best of Realtors.

It is really great to be with people who encourage you to be your best self. Cindy Butts, is a one of those great life gifts. She is also a great friend.

An Invocation

New England Regional Caucus
15 November 2009
San Diego, California



Invocation:


Let us calm our minds,
collect our thoughts,
and touch our hearts.

We have gathered here,
at the edge of the Pacific,
enjoying each others company,
before we face New England winter.

We live in a part of the world
where time is marked and logged by seasons.
We face each knowing
another one will soon follow.

We also know that time is limited.
We are only given so many seasons,
so we have none to waste,
none to ignore.

What we do have is each other.
We can and will endure winter
knowing we are together.

As we prepare for these holidays
may we give thanks
for each other,
for our gifts of faith,
for the privilege of being alive,
and for comfort of this common path.

The Window Seat Chapter 27

October 21, 2009

Usairway’s 1:00 P.M Washington’s Reagan to Providence

The trip had been impromptu. The Senate Banking Committee, chaired by Senator Dodd, had called a hearing for October 20th, on the State of the Housing Industry.
The National Association of Realtors welcomed the invitation, particularly given our commitment to extending the $8000 First Time Home Buyer Tax Credit which expires on 1 December 2009. The Association President was home in Texas. The President-Elect was speaking in California. The third choice, the Vice-President was available and an hour away. So I was ‘selected’ to present our case.

It has been my privilege to testify before various committees of Congress over the past couple of years. It is a fascinating process. You provide ‘written testimony’ at least 24 hours before speaking. At the hearing, you typically are one of many witnesses. Most often you are part of a panel. Such was the case on 20 October. The first witness was Senator Johnny Isakson of Georgia. He presented the Dodd Isakson amendment to extend the $8000. After his presentation, various Senators asked him questions. The committee is large with 23 members. About half were there at the beginning of the hearing. As the witness was a member of the Senate, the interchange was very cordial.

Secretary of Housing and Urban Development, Shaun Donovan, was the second witness.
He spoke at length and then was questioned. The difference in the questions and in the tone between the Democratic and Republican members of the Senate was profound.
The Senator from Kentucky, Bunning, really went after him, the administration, and the FDIC. It was a great confidence builder, when you were next on the schedule.

My panel included an economist from the Bankers Association, an economist from the Home Builders Association, and an affordable housing advocate from Connecticut. Each of us was given five minutes to making an opening statement, which recapped our written testimony. Just below the microphone, there is a digital time display and three lights, green, yellow and red. From 5 minutes to 1, the light is green. From 60 seconds to O, the light is yellow. At the end of 5 minutes, the light turns red and proceeds to count the seconds of you overage. Chairman Dodd was generous with the time. In other hearings, witnesses have been cut off mid sentence. In fairness, you know, BEFORE hand, that you have only 5 minutes.

Our panel began to speak about 1 hour and 55 minutes into the hearing. We continued until 2 hours and 50 minutes. The statements were somewhat predictable. Upon completion of my testimony, Senator Dodd, suggested the next time I testify before Congress that I be more ‘definite” in what I wanted Congress to do. The chamber laughed. It is hard for me to speak on these issues without passion and immediacy.


The questions were actually more valuable than the statements. It is where the conversation moves to substance and detail. With the exception of a critical remark from Senator Bunning, it went well. (He had asked about the National Association of Realtors recommendations for the GSEs: Fannie Mae and Freddy Mac. He did not like the answer that they were meeting, later in the week, to come up with recommendations. They have been meeting for a year, and will have recommendations in the next two weeks.)

At 12:30 we left the Senate Office building. The rest of the day and the next morning were spent lobbying and encouraging other Realtors to do the same. Forty Realtors had flown in from all over the country to speak to members of the House Ways and Means Committee and the Senate Finance Committee. Dinner responsibilities included thanking the Realtor volunteers and repairing for the ‘Hill visits.’ At breakfast, we did the same.

At mid day on the 21st, my work in DC was over. A 1 pm flight had a seat for me on it. The Reagan airport was fairly quiet. Security was quick and uneventful. At the appointed time we board a shuttle to take us out to the commuter plane lot. Usually, the bus is full, this day it was not even ‘half full.’ We boarded the plane. My aisle seat 3B was ready. After many flights this year with overfull planes, this was strange. There were no passengers next to me, on either side. None in front of me, none behind me. Most passengers were in window seats. No one was within ear shot. Had someone sent these passengers a memo, do not sit next to Ron, if you want some privacy?

The engines revved, and we had left. As I sat alone, somewhat comfortable in my silence, I could not helped smiling at life’s ability to teach: You must take it as it come, for you are not in control. You can only control how you react. It is so frustrating that it takes many years to begin to understand the lesson. The window seat was empty because many of my life’s travelling partners had already departed, my grandfathers, grandmother, and father. Their seat was empty. But that did not prevent me from talking with them. Each took a turn in the seat. While all of the talking was mine, they heard everything. It was not an empty seat after all.

My Mother's Eyes

It is an early morning with a full day on tap. John Mayer’s song Say and Cyndi Lauper’s song Time after Time are the inspiration for these words. Am always so surprised how music is such a powerful catalyst for emotion in me. Music has wrapped my entire life as blanket. Sometimes in challenging times, it may have been a wet, cold blanket…but it always with me; most often providing entertainment, on occasion release, and on rare occasions it enables me to experience the Divine. It is an amassing cipher.

This morning, music is the spring.

One of my very first sites as a newborn was seeing my mother and my father. While absolute recall of the moment is not really within my grasp, their faces are what I remember from my earliest childhood. More precisely, I remember their eyes. My father’s eyes are now only photographs and memories. My mother’s however are still very much a part of my life.

Both of my mother’s parents had beautiful eyes, too... My Grandmother Brophy has to most unusual color of eyes. They were an opalescent deep blue-aqua marine. You could not miss them, even through her glasses. Her eyes expressive, revealing eyes….You could see how she felt and what she believed in her eyes. My mother’s eyes are similar with communication and are a beautiful blue in color

It is true that life’s path shares some of its route on one’s face, but the eyes themselves are a constant. It is strange how the face changes but the eyes are a timeless window to the heart.

Recently, my mother had cataract surgery. She is celebrating the amazing improvement in her vision. She does not need to wear glasses except to read. What was really amazing was seeing her eyes again without sunglasses or regular glasses. You can see into her heart.

Overall, life has been very kind to my family.. We have worked hard to develop our skills and appreciate life’s gifts. We have also cared for each other intensely.

We have seen joy, and celebrated it.
We have seen loss, and have endured it
We have seen challenge, and faced it.
We have seen opportunity, and pursued it.
We have seen purpose, and engaged it.


There is in these words a life lesson. The Bible reminds us to honor and respect our parents. The contemporary version of the message is to celebrate the gift of your parents. Say what you need to say.

So look into the eyes of your mom and dad. Maybe you do not verbalize it…but let them know you love them. It will mean a lot to both of you.

The Window Seat Chapter 26

September 28, 2009

US Air Providence to Charlotte

It is an 8:20 flight from Providence to Charlotte. This is a quick overnight assignment for me with the North Carolina Association’s Annual Convention. The meeting is in Savannah. Yes the meeting is in Georgia, not North Carolina. My assignment is to bring the National Association of Leadership Team’s message and greeting to the Board of Directors and to the Past Presidents. For any of you in volunteer organizations, you know how challenging a meeting of past presidents might be. May of this group of ‘pasts,’ however, are good friends. Will be on a plane home before 9 am tomorrow morning.

Today, I am flying on United’ Star Alliance Partner, US Air. The plane is a full size plane with a three three configuration. It is Monday morning, and a surprising number of ‘tourists’ are on the plane. Not a lot of business people. After correcting a mix up with my ticket, new boarding passes are issued and I take my seat in 20C, on the aisle.

The male flight attendant is having an edgy day. “You are only allowed to put one item in the overhead. We are very full today, and if you put small items overhead, we will not have enough room. Then we will be late leaving because we will need to check the baggage. This will cause us to be late and WILL result in missed connections in Charlotte.” Maybe I just relate better to the carrot than the stick, but this is the approach. He repeats the same ‘instruction’ three more times. Maybe his ‘threat’ worked as there was plenty of room in the overhead bins and everyone was settling into there seats.

Next to me was a nice couple who did not speak. They point to the seat, silently asking me to get out of there way. She took the window seat, he took the middle seat. They did not say a word to each other. I said hello and received a nod. This will not be one of the window seat conversations that I most enjoy.

As we settle in, my favorite flight attendant comes back on: “The cabin door is now shut. If you wish to travel will us, you will not turn off all electrical devices….anything with an on and off switch.” (I cannot be the only one who wants to turn him off). Everyone complied and we did not leave anyone behind.

Have decided that this is a good time to continue reading Dan Brown’s the lost symbol. It is excellent. My seat mates say nothing, until beverage service. He says “orange juice and water.” They are served without looking up or over. Looks like I am going to get a lot of my book read. I do. (Pretty sure my seat mates are husband and wife; maybe they have taken a vow of silence between them).

As the plane lands, the flight attendant comes back on to thank us for flying US and a special thanks for following instructions. What happened to stopping when you are ahead? Thank you for flying US Airways would have been enough. (Maybe he was a Falcons fan. Ok, I really do not know what is going on in his life…but enough).

It was noteworthy that we left almost 20 minutes late, but still arrived on time. The real criteria for successful flying is arriving, arriving safely, and arriving on time. We did all three.

As we disembarked, my seat mates remained silent. My connection, hopefully with conversation, waited at gate E9.

In a crowd of silence

It is a beautiful summer day in August, August 30th to be exact. The weather is exceptional. In 2009, we have been squeezing the few days of great summer weather in a wet cloudy season. This is clearly one of them. It has been a very wet and humid summer in Rhode Island. This day began gray and turned to bright and blue.

Our immediate family has gathered to commemorate the one year anniversary of my first grandson’s birth and death. It is amazing that it happened a year ago. It is till somber and sad, but it is becoming ok. Myles’s father and mother are expecting twins in December. Our loss, and the life lesson that this event taught us, are becoming more understandable. He is in a safe place and we move on because we must. We take less for granted and the Thoreau comment about “sucking the marrow out of life’ is becoming so much more important. For a time we each wrapped ourselves in a cocoon of sorrow. It was natural and instinctive. We have morphed again, and are ready to assume the new life of a human butterfly. We are no longer spectators of grief, but rather the writers and actors of our own lives. Time may not heal, but time does comfort.

As we stand at the gravesite of Myles and my father, I am struck at the number of people buried at St. Patrick’s cemetery. Almost all of the sites have granite markers. Various colours, shapes, sizes with date spreading over 150 years as best I can tell. In some ways,it mirrors their lives: people of different sizes, shapes, appearances, wealth, age, etc. The names: Murray, OConnell, Carcieri, Metzger, Jones, Callahan, .etc. are almost all of European origin. It was distracting that some of the not yet dead spouses had their names on the marker without the date of death. I guess some people what to know where their final destination will be. Maybe I am more interested in where my soul will find a home, rather than my ashes, but this is a place where you can have your last word.

It is a great time of day, the gloaming as we gather. It is the time when the sun is low in the western sky, but has yet to set. It is strangely a very quiet time of day. Work is done and night is almost at hand, but not yet. It is a special time to be in the cemetery. No haunting here, just stillness. The sound of the water in the distance, and cars traveling down the road, create a white noise. This cemetery knows silence, minute after minute, hour after hour, day after day, month after month, year after year, generation after generation. As I look at the hundreds of monuments, often with more than two people ‘addressed,’ it becomes apparent that this is the most densely populated part of town. Yet still. Yet quiet. Bodies are not the only things buried here. So are thoughts, dreams, joys, sorrows, brothers, sons, sisters, daughters, mother, fathers, husbands and wives. The most important thing buried here is voice, the language of love. It is lost in the silence of the gloaming. Oh how I miss those voices.